In my executive coaching practice, which is about helping managers and executives be successful in their jobs, I often ask them to define success.
It may seem a simple question, however for many people, without reflection, it is difficult to answer honestly. Since marketing began in the 1930’s western societies have been programmed to believe it is about material gain, status, power, or career success even if we espouse different aspirations.
To help leaders contemplate this issue at a deeper level I often share with them the outcome of a research study. It was an enormous project with thousands of people participating across many countries and most walks of life. They were asked and recorded on their death bed…. what they regretted or enjoyed most in their life.
Not surprisingly it wasn’t about having the best car, how much money they made or getting the top job or having the “best of the best”, instead it was all about their relationships.
Examples were loss or love of a relationship with a child. The loss or love of friendships or family members. Most significant of all was their regret on how poorly they managed significant relationships in their lives, either personally or professionally.
Interestingly the emotion that is the basis of regret in this instance is often shame.
Most of us rationalise our behaviour in the moment and justify our position, however when that final curtain comes the reality of our decisions on others can come flashing back.
The reason I share this story with my clients is to challenge their thinking about defining success. In addition, and perhaps more importantly, how would they behave differently if their actions would in the end, cause them no shame.
if you believe the many that have gone before, how we manage relationships, at work, in our home and within our community … ultimately defines our success.
Food for thought.
Jenny Brice
