I am a white Australian, relatively intelligent female with average looks and being born into humble beginnings.
Have known what it is like to have only $300 and limited prospects.
Worked my way from nurse, midwife to HR Directive. First went to University at 28.
Been regarded as “the experiment” when I was the first female executive recruited externally in a large company for the first 18 months.
Did not want to have children. Considered selfish and asked if I was a lesbian when my husband and I parted by a neighbour and others.
Have managed fair share of opportunities and challenges like most people.
Nothing however prepared me for the impact of being considered old in our society.
Bang. It happened so suddenly, so unexpectedly, so shockingly, that I was taken totally by surprise. It was like I was driving along a road and suddenly I hit an invisible brick wall and in the process everything changed forever.
The process reminds me of the 1990 box office hit movie called Ghost starring Patrick Swazey and Demi Moore. Patrick’s character gets killed and he comes to realise he has died and has become a ghost. He is screaming at people to listen to him, his partner Molly is in danger. What ever he does people just walk past him with vacant eyes, as he is no longer visible to them. He tried everything to be heard and then through some interesting twists to the movie and through the unlikely medium of Whoopi Goldberg he eventually is heard. Thankfully he did not give up.
I can remember the exact moment I hit my invisible brick wall. I explain it in more detail in my article The Glass Trapdoor however this is a brief abstract from the article to put this article in context.
“My partner had a new career and we were moving states, which meant I needed to change jobs. I was very happy with my career, having worked on 5 executive teams and having been the GM for HR for almost 20 years in various industries. A highlight being winning the best designed and executed HR/OD strategy in Australia. I had not considered that obtaining another senior position would be difficult. In hindsight this was particularly naïve.
When I arrived back on the mainland after spending almost three years in Tasmania, I had a list of people I wanted to see about obtaining my next role. My first meeting was with an executive recruiter whom I had worked with before recruiting executives for various companies. He told me, gently but very precisely that the likelihood of obtaining another GM role was not great. Companies would perceive this to be my last role and therefore I would not be seen as an investment in the future of the company while a younger person would. I walked out shell-shocked, gobsmacked determined to change the colour of my hair. It was the first time I glimpsed a world where I could understand why people thought it was important to look younger.”
And on and on it went on and on. I was told I was lucky I did not have to work. With all my experience I did not get one request for interview. The only job that came my way after visiting recruiters in three states and applying for dozens of jobs on line was one job working in The Northern Territory as a sole HR Operator for @$80,000. In other words no other person wanted the job and nor did I.
I was not to be undone and invested in creating an Executive Coaching and Facilitation Business, which includes a small boutique conference venue. Now at 56, with a lot of effort my business is very slowly progressing and has some valuable clients who have provided me with some great feedback. What a comeback-story you may say.
I would say the process is a bloody nightmare. Obviously as a sole operator you need to seek new clients and build existing ones and you have to spend time doing this. In my wildest dreams I wouldn’t have believed this could be so hard and emotionally gut wrenching. Let me explain why by relaying a couple of recent experiences.
I was contacted by an interstate Executive to work with two of his senior managers to help enable them to be C-Suite material. He had worked with me in a prior life and had tracked me down. The HR department had not yet developed any leadership or coaching opportunities as yet and he was keen to commence.
Toward the end of the assignment, I was asked to meet with the relatively new HR General Manager. I had very positive feedback from my coaching and was delighted with the prospect of meeting with her again. I thought this could be an opportunity to expand my work at the company.
I am well aware of the importance of looking the part in the corporate world and wanted to limit any “unconscious bias” that I had experienced before. I was well dressed, wore heels and the appropriate accompaniments. I knew I looked my age however I had done the best I could with what I had. I also had my brief case that could bring out the relevant technology if required. I had previously experienced the false assumption that age equalled technically illiterate.
I was welcomed by the HR Executive and ushered into a meeting room. I was then quizzed, like a teacher talking to a child, on my HR knowledge and then asked “if in my day” we had 360 degree feedback”. “In my day” “in my day” I could hardly believe my ears and had to restrain myself by looking out the window. I was screaming inside just like Patrick was in the film Ghost. What added insult to injury was 360 feed back is just a basic tool that had been used for years, it wasn’t even that sophisticated. In that moment I knew it did not matter how experienced or capable I was or what great feedback I had had, the dye was set, there would be no work for me. On reflection why it was so cutting was it was so “in your face” yet whether ageism is direct or not the results are the same.
PwC’s recent Golden Age index measures how well countries are harnessing potential older workers. Australia rates 15 in a list of the OECD countries. The report highlights some of the issues that need to be overcome to harness the value of older workers. This is a valuable report and states:
“This group of workers is too often over-looked by businesses and Government, but our research shows there could be big economic gains from policies directed at keeping people skilled and motivated to stay in the workforce for longer”.
The key question is what are the assumptions that employers make about older workers that they choose to over-look them? If this is so important for our economic prosperity, let alone our social stability, understanding and working through these assumptions are critical before coming up with the solutions.
If identifying assumptions are fundamental to understanding and therefore tackling ageism, can you identify the possible assumption Steve makes in this next example?
I had been a regular facilitator for a biannual strategy review conference for a large corporate, which included on occasions presenting leadership material. There were about 50 participants and depending on restructures there were always some changes in participants who attended. It was organised by the company that I would fly and then drive to the venue with one of the new participants. Say his name was Steve.
When we arrived at our destination there were a number of conference members chatting on the step of the venue. As we got out of the car, Steve called out to his colleagues on the steps he was bringing “his mother” to the conference. Yes he was referring to me and yet he was only about 8 years younger than I was. I remember laughing it off and stirring him relentlessly over the next couple of days about being my son. What else do you do except use humour and hide the pain? What assumptions did Steve not want the group to make about him and why? We know don’t we and it is very primal? How often does a little brother or sister of this assumption drive our behaviours, in every aspect of employment?
In another recent experience I was asked to speak at a company’s International Women’s Day event. It was a 30-minute presentation called: Developing confidence in people is a strategic advantage to organisations. It was not about age as such though some comments were made. After the talk a female, say her name was Jo, asked me: “How I managed not to have cosmetic procedures and remain successful?” She felt that if she didn’t keep cosmetically “refreshed” she would be surpassed by someone who looked younger? She was 48 and this was undermining her confidence. Before I tell you want I said let me tell you another story.
A friend of ours, who was in his early sixties, asked my partner and I to dinner, as he wanted us to meet the new woman in his life. I was told she owned her own small business and was in her 50’s. I was looking forward to the meeting at a small local restaurant. My first memory of meeting her is etched in my memory banks. I will never forget how I felt when I met her. She was beautiful, looked about 38, had straightened long blond hair, had had eye surgery so she did not need glasses, had flawless skin a beautifully manicured mouth and not a wrinkle to be seen.
I can honestly say what I was feeling was not of envy, but shocked by my own internal reaction. I felt this unbelievable pull to look beautiful. I was sick of feeling old and being treated as old and being condescended to. I thought to myself if both of us were going to an interview I know who would get the job irrelevant of skill. I thought, would the HR manager ask me “in my day” if I looked younger? I thought would Steve at the conference refer to me as “his mother”? I thought that people might respect my intelligence if I looked younger. I felt like screaming again as Patrick did in the movie Ghost. I didn’t of course but it was a clear reminder of what powerful forces are at play, particularly as I always considered my self a feminist, resilient and could overcome adversity.
So how did I answer the question, about how can you be successful in business if you look old? I didn’t say anything profound because I don’t really know. I wanted to have a wise insightful all together answer but I didn’t and as the crowd mingled around the question got lost in the ether. On reflection my experience had been it was difficult but possible. Although sadly I was not shocked by the question I thought it was a wonderfully honest question and another one really worth exploring if we want to unpack ageism.
On the same note, had an old acquaintance come to visit me and it was the first time I had met his wife. We were catching up on our lives and she told me she was just about to re-enter the workforce after looking after her mother. As a throw away line her husband said she wouldn’t have to worry because she doesn’t look her age…quote unquote.
I certainly do not have all the answers, but what I do know is the amount of skill and experience being lost to our country by the impact of ageism will not be fixed by a $10,000 grant to encourage employers to re-employ us. We have to change the dialogue about the value of each decade of life not the burden of each.
What I do know is that ageism is alive and well and trying to understand it is exhausting let alone living through it. It is not about fighting ageing, through the surgeon’s knife alone or throwing money at it. It is about society actively debating the subject, on a stage as significant as topics like mental health and having activists in each generation.
What I do know is if you look at cost alone, if people continue to leave the workforce at 55 it is anticipated to cost Australia $25 billion dollars by 2022. This is not considering underemployment, or people forced out of employment below this age or considering the social implications.
What I do know is many of us are giving up not through choice but through inevitability. A friend of mine who used to be an executive now in his early 60’s said, “Opportunities are now the empty box on his computer.” We don’t have to use much of our imagination to understand the impact on our society when people of any generation feel marginalised and not valued. This is playing out on many of the world stages today including through the world of drugs and revolution.
What I do know, defining employees as old over 45, 50 or 55 depending what text you read, is ridiculous and even more ridiculous relegating them to the redundancy box half way through their life. You cannot rationalise this madness by stating the value of volunteering, being a grandparent or its time to spend your days on the golf course.
What I do know is all of us need money to get through life and for many of us earning power reduces as we age. The earlier people leave the workforce the more difficult it is financially for both the individual and society. It’s in everyone’s invested interest to understand the invisible forces that impact ageism and not cloud the issue by the corporate speak of unconscious bias, particularly since some biases are not unconscious.
What I do know is the silent screams of the aged, trapped behind an invisible wall will come back to haunt us if we don’t act. What I do know is Patrick never gave up in doing what it took. He found his voice in any way he could to warn Molly of the danger in front of her. I am with Patrick, it does not matter how difficult it is, or how hard, we can’t give up, and we must not let ourselves become invisible, disheartened or distracted. The costs to us, the next generation and our society are too great.
Image Credit: Monumentum Moonlight
