An anecdotal story.
There were very few women in corporate Australia, in senior positions in the 1990’s. I know because I was one of that minority. At the time I became intrigued about why there were so few women in business. Over time almost through osmosis, I decided to do my own anecdotal research as to why. I must stress I am aware that the data and my conclusions have no academic validity. The insights I gained however helped me navigate my career, helped me avoid some unspoken career traps and helped guide other women with their careers.
I have spoken to many men over many years and I asked one simple question. What did men fear most about women in business? Obviously the question wasn’t delivered cold. It was asked once rapport was built with my male colleagues and conversations were mostly had in informal settings. Most men took the question very seriously, though some were confronted at first, they genuinely explored the question within themselves.
In my arrogance I thought my male colleagues may fear that women were more intelligent than them. From the conversations this was clearly incorrect. In fact, many men told me that the first thing they checked out was if a woman was intelligent enough, particularly when it came to money matters in business. This was irrespective of qualifications or experience.
Instead what I uncovered, from the men I spoke to was that there were two main reasons, that many men in business feared women entering the male dominated world of business.
Firstly, men did not want to be emasculated by women particularly in front of their male peers.
I remember one manager expressing it in school yard terms. He said what greater shame than a girl beating you at marbles. There were a number of variations along this theme.
Secondly men feared that women did not have the ticker when things got tough.
I remember one wonderful Sales manager relating a war analogy. He said when you go into battle you have to know your mates have your back covered no matter how tough it gets. He said he feared women did not have the stamina and would find excuses to withdraw from the battle.
Interestingly in 2016 Donald trump during his election campaign hammered home this very point amount Hillary Clinton.
He said
“Hillary Clinton doesn’t have the fortitude, strength, or stamina to lead in our world”
I can only imagine what “our” world means.
This did not surprise me but it disappointed me. It was clearly a strategy that the spin doctors realised would tap into the beliefs of some voters.
For anything to change in gender politics, it is important to understand the underlying beliefs whether rational or not. Asking what men feared most assumed they feared something but at least it was a vehicle to stimulate real conversation between genders.
There is an old Indian saying for anything to change you have to talk and talk and talk some more and then you may get the right outcome.
I have really valued my many conversations with my male colleagues on this subject over the years. It has helped me understand, empathise and challenge another world view.
It provided me with so many valuable insights. One that stands out is that many men said they did not want to work with women who were “ball breakers”. Nor did they want to work with women who did not have the “balls” to do the job. Obviously as a woman one had to walk a fine line between the different types of balls.
What I interpreted from this was:
Men did not want women to behave as men. It reduced their legitimacy somehow.
And if women wanted to be a part of the team, they had to demonstrate the tenacity and mental toughness to do the job.
This was a useful insight when one day a very capable woman who was a manager in a tough industry came to see me. This person constantly swore like the men, gave “as good as she got” and wore clothes that were quite masculine and often behaved as one of the boys. She was quite frustrated as she was having difficulty progressing her career and getting respect from her peers. Yes, she was tough but was trying to act as one of the boys when clearly she wasn’t.
My advice to her was being mentally tough was fantastic but she did not need to behave like a man to progress her career as it may be counterproductive. Her ambitions would more likely come to fruition if she felt confident and comfortable in her own female skin. That her ability to be tenacious, hold her head high and prevail through the tough times would serve her career well. Ironically the essence of this advice came from understanding the male’s perspective.
Irrespective of whether you agree with my anecdotal conclusions or alternatively are horrified by them, the important thing is it is sparking the debate about what’s really happening in gender politics in the workplace.
Real debate, with people willing to view the world through the fears and aspirations of others are more likely to work together to achieve better outcomes. Locked in our own paradigms or paralysed on the surface by political correctness can only be counterproductive as demonstrated by many aspects of the US election.
The next question on my agenda is not what men fear about women but what men and women fear and love about each other in the workplace? Do you want to join me explore the conversation or have you got a better question?
